Five weeks worth of plaid shirts, check. Hipstamatic on the iPhone, check. unflinching control issues regarding the car, check. And, finally, re-housing my dog to Staten Island, check. Road trip 2010 has begun.
My road trip began a day prior to my travel buddy Jeff’s journey (of which the better half of this blog is named), as I was raped and pillaged by the law. At approximately 11 pm on August 1st, I was pulled over in Astoria, NY, for reasons unknown. I was greeted by a sassy black officer, who I normally would have befriended at various gay clubs. But this tranny had no sympathy for a white boy in a Hyundai Accent. After requesting all of my information, Miss Thang asked why I thought I had just been pulled over, to which I replied, “I have absolutely no idea, officer.” She then insisted that she had caught me on my cell phone, which is against the law in the state of NY. Baffled, I assured her that my phone was safely stowed away in my trendy Gola bag and politely assured her she was mistaken. After a couple of minutes of he-said she-said banter regarding the matter, we devised that I had pulled a Mariah Carey and had one finger in my ear, while my other hand flailed about, while I belted for the sweet lord Jesus. I then insisted I was a singer and prayed that she would take pity on a white boy with soul. She did not. Long story short, I was removed from the car, accused of stealing the car, given a ticket that she later told me how to get out of. But as the words “Thank you, officer” were coming out of my mouth, she said that she could sense a little “attitude” coming from my direction. I informed her that I had just given my dog of five and a half years away to a fat family in Staten Island. She told me to have a good night.
So on this second day of August, I look forward to new adventures, new car singing techniques, and, of course, new haircuts.
-- MIKE
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