Lincoln’s Memorial is best viewed after midnight. No joke. Something you will never hear on your $30/head bus tour of downtown Washington, DC. There I am, basking in the glow of Lincoln's statue at 12:30 am on a Monday, waiting for the man to finally stand up. The lone overweight security guard standing watch next to me poses no real threat if I want to heed my impulse to jump over the velvet ropes and slap Lincoln’s stone knee and scream “YOU FROM ILLINOIZE!! IZE FROM ILLINOIZE TOO! WE SHOULD BE HAPPY FRIENDS!!” Such are the thoughts I have at 12:30 am, stumbling from national monument to national monument here in the great non-state of DC. Not drunk, mind you, just dead tired from a seven hour drive (of which 0 minutes I drove) from NYC to northern VA to meet up with Mike’s old drinking buddies.
And by drinking buddies I mean these fellas diem-ed some carpe during their college years under the guise of a leftist organization called “Exit 245.“ Mike refers to Exit 245 as a collegiate a cappella group. I tell him he’s a liar. Let it be known, there are undeniable cultish tendencies within this group. We met these “Exit” types at an undisclosed location, otherwise known as Spider Kelly’s in Clarendon. I was disappointed to find the “Exit” types to be quite friendly in nature. But it is interesting to note that there was very little discussion of music at this supposed “a cappella reunion” and lots more talk of past debauchery (more food for my theory that these were a bunch of leftist fascists.) So I exited the “Exit” scene with, unfortunately, many a good conversation under my belt. Suspect. Suspect I tell you. Lingering outside Spider Kelly’s just before the stroke of midnight, we made the reasonable decision to see what Obama was up to in that house of his…and Lincoln of course. Obviously Lincoln wasn’t up to much cuz he be dead….or is he? So we got in the car and made the effort.
In all seriousness, I can’t imagine a better way to see DC’s landmarks than after midnight on a Monday. The Washington Monument was as phallic as phallic can be, lit up like a penis-shaped Christmas tree made out of stone; the Vietnam Memorial was totally unreadable at that hour but still spooky; and Lincoln spoke to me in tongues. Not kidding. And the security guard knew it. He was in on the joke. The madness of it all, I tell you. But another attempt at seriousness: I spent a good time walking through the WWII Memorial thinking about how my grandfather was there only months before being honored by the likes of Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks for his sizeable service back in the day. Then we visited Lincoln…
The security guard flanking me on my right. The urge to leap at Lincoln creeping upon me like a seizure. I quell it. And then…it happened. My conversation with Lincoln:
“Hi Abraham. Can you hear me?”
“I’m here.”
“Oh, so sorry to disturb you.”
“I’m never disturbed. Always here.”
“Good. Good. That’s good. We can always count on you. You’re real honest.”
“Thank you Captain Obvious.”
“The name’s Jeff. Not Captain Obvious.”
“You’re a tease.”
At that point, the security guard made a move for his flashlight so I snapped my photo and left. The conversation was brief.
We treaded down the stairs and rode back to Gavin’s place (Gavin is a former member of “Exit” and, with his wife, make arguably the best host and hostess I ever had the pleasure of taking advantage of. I mean, Gavin gave us a freaking tour of DC’s finest at 12:30 am. And he had to work the next day. Like a real job. This a cappella thing might be for real. So, note to future host and hostesses: the bar has been set.) Thinking back, I can imagine that the tour would have been far less peaceful during the peak tourist/business hours of a typical DC weekday. Thank you captain obvious.
Lincoln has spoken.
-- JEFF
No comments:
Post a Comment