Liza with a Zzzzzz...

Long day. Cranky. Gonna go to bed. Crap. Didn’t watch Oprah. How can I stay awake? One word. Liza.

This is the kind of Oprah episode I have been waiting for. She fulfilled so many stereotypes and idiosyncrasies that were 25 years in the making. Yelling introductions, shaking her fists, and singing the wrong words all in one episode. As exciting as the episode was, I am exhausted so I will just get to the things I’ve learned today. On a side note, Wendy Williams still had quite the line-up today. Joey Lawrence and his pencil-thin eyebrows, Linda Ellerbee from Nickelodeon circa 1992, and the musical stylings of Paula Cole. I know the cheese stands alone and I accept all the criticism and hate mail, but Paula Cole KILLED it today. She can actually sing. I mean, she looked like a bloated turtle, but she was belting for Jesus. Ok, I’m tired. Here is what I learned today:

- Jon Stewart is starting to look like Michael Douglas (with the cancer)
- There was a palpable sexual tension between Oprah and Jon Stewart
- Gayle has revoked her desire to watch The Daily Show ever again
- Liza Minnelli is single handedly keeping the Dress Barn franchise afloat. A mother of the bride sequin top and scarf previously owned by an old French whore plus an overdrawn Chola eyebrow equals the greatest cabaret performer of our time.
- Older singers should be put out to pasture like a retired thoroughbred horse. Its not fair to her, its not fair to me and its not fair to our Lord Oprah
- Liza no longer pretends to be in the established key and has carved a lucrative niche as a master of Sprechstimme

Thank you Oprah for getting back on track. Oh wait, you are having a hostage on again tomorrow. Hopefully Wendy Williams will have on an A-lister like Meshach Taylor.

Finally, I just saw an infomercial for “Body Gospel”. Look it up. You won’t be disappointed.

-MIKE