Oprah vs. Wendy

It’s only the second day of my personal journey guided by the gentle touch of Oprah Winfrey and the life lessons have been as bountiful as the autumn apple harvest in a small Connecticut town. Sorry, I’ve also been watching some Martha Stewart on the side.

Ok, in all honesty, today was not as fun as yesterday. How am I supposed to write a witty blog post when the entire episode is so Debbie downer? I mean…hostages, dead children, and more missing children..come on, O. And not even just any old missing children, but toothless children with thick, highly magnified glasses like Jonathan Lipnicki. At least I did get to see Oprah break out into her infamous ugly cry, a highlight of the episode. I need more montages, giveaways, and sincere poems read to Oprah by her idols…aka…Sydney Poitier, Maya Angelou, or John Travolta and his lace-front. Oprah and Gayle need to take a cue from Wendy Williams. She had a powerhouse of an episode today starring Andy Cohen, a girl from the CW show HellCats, an extra from a Twilight movie, and a ten year old that eats cockroaches and chicken feet…..that’s how you celebrate 25 seasons…and Wendy is only on her 2nd!

Back to my personal journey. Things I learned today:

- Just because someone looks good in hot pink (Oprah), it will still not read well against a butter yellow chair.
- Many of the guests wore purple. This pairing with the yellow chairs was a constant reminder of how great JMU’s victory over Virginia Tech really was. Go Purple and Gold!
- A man held Discovery/TLC execs hostage whilst we were on our roadtrip. Apparantly Kate Gosselin’s new hair did not resonate well with a home viewer. I think he can present a solid case in his defense.
- Oprah found a new star of the upcoming film “Precious 2: Electric Boogaloo (Based on the novel ‘Shove’ by Sapphire)” .
- I am going directly to hell.

So many lessons, so little time. I did get a glimpse at Monday’s show which should just be called “The Cleansing Hour” as it is full of giveaways, people with missing limbs, angels, halos, and crying audience members. Can’t wait.

-MIKE