The Journey Continues (The Quest for the Holy Gayle)

Back safely from the trip, I seem to be stuck somewhere between the east of my future and west of my past. Luckily, the journey does not have to end as a new journey is upon me. A personal and spiritual passage will occur in the form of Oprah’s 25th and final season. I will now be blogging in an effort to summarize and inform our tens of viewers the daily lessons taught by the deity herself, Oprah Winfrey.

Today Oprah traveled back to the town of Williamson, West Virginia. A town she visited in 1987 sporting thick shoulder pads, a blow-out, and information on AIDS. You see, an actual homosexual was living in West Virginia in 1987 and he had AIDS. His name was Michael Sisco (no relation to the R & B superstar and co-lyricist of the 1999 hit “Thong Song). Well…people were ignorant in this small town, which of course made me miss the roadtrip, and yelled at Mike as he sat there with his diamond stud earrings, mullet, and pencil thin porn moustache…aka…a walking 80s gay stereotype. Oprah brought back some of the angry mob to discuss how much better she looks and also how embarrassingly unintelligent they were. Here are some things that Oprah taught me today thus strengthening my personal journey.

- Oprah has since cured AIDS in America and Africa
- Tweed jackets with built-in shoulder pads reached their peak in ‘87
- West Virginia still believes that gays are evil, but Bolo ties are Christ-like
- In Williamson, West Virginia, the past tense of “babysit” is “babysitted”.

The episode reached its peak when Oprah brought on a current resident of Williamson, West Virginia who is currently a practicing homosexual. Here is how I think that production meeting went down to choose this fellow.

Oprah: “Please bring me an African American gay, who is a floral shop owner, a former baton twirler in the marching band, who has done drag in the past….oh….and make sure he has full blown AIDS. Oh also, please find the gayest photos ever of him growing up. We want his gayness to pack a wallop. Then we will ask him one…maybe two….questions and then get him off the stage.”

Producer “Yes your Holiness! Hosanna to the highest! In the name of the Stedman, the Son, and the Holy Gayle. Amen.”

More to come tomorrow.

Ps…..this is all out of love. Don’t come after me Gayle.

-MIKE (as if I had to clarify who wrote this post)